Last night my poor little puppy Chanel cried herself to sleep. Turns out she is absolutely no use when picking up men.
You see, optimistic and wearing a brand new sporty dog walking outfit, I met the lovely Nat from Mix 106.3 FM at The Strand this week to see if walking our
dogs was a way to meet men. Newly single, Nat jumped at the chance to accompany me on my road test, and fired me several emails over the last week so we could coordinate outfits and dogs.
I know you're sitting there thinking perhaps we were going over board co-ordinating dogs, but picking up blokes is a bit of a science, and careful planning of our experiment was required. Do we go for larger dogs, or will my cute little King Charles Cavalier spaniel cut it? We decide to cover our bases and bring both.
With Nat's greyhound out of action, she arranges for a back-up dog, another
greyhound by the name of Monty.
With Monty and Chanel leashed up and our photo shoot over, we headed off our walk. Little did I know Nat is quite the runner, and her walking speed is a little faster than little Chanel or I are used to. While we struggle to keep up, Nat is busy scanning for boys. Before long a very cute boy jogs past and I manage to smile in his direction, and am rewarded with a smile in return, but it isn't enough to make him stop his run and chat with us.
It quickly becomes clear that we have turned up a little too early for the boys out for a stroll, and only the serious runners are around. I briefly contemplate
allowing Chanel to drift into the path of one of these runners but Nat, a serious runner herself, quickly talks me out of it, with perhaps a hint of fear that I am about to get her beat up. So that's when it becomes clear that I need to bring out the big guns.
I spot an unsuspecting bloke sitting staring moodily out to sea (or at least I think he was). I'm a little on the blind side without my glasses, so he could have been picking his nose for all I know. Regardless, I decide it's time to try my best damsel in distress routine. Seeing a pole in my path, I allow Chanel to drift one side of it and let go of the lead. Then with acting skills honed from years of watching The Young and the Restless I try to catch my runaway dog with all the elegance of a tradie doing ballet. BUT THE GUY JUST SITS THERE! He doesn't even move to help me, and I am rewarded only by Nat, who I am sure is totally nominating me for a Logie.
I don't know what horrifies me more _ that I just made myself look incredibly lame, or that chivalry is dead. I hope Mr Nose Picker (that is what I have decided to call him) is reading this and realises the error of his ways and helps out the next girl who tries to fall in his path. If he isn't reading this, then I will sleep well tonight knowing that I got to call him Mr Nose Picker (even though, okay, he probably wasn't).
When we get back to our starting point, Nat and I quickly debrief and decide that perhaps we have to accept that we have failed on our first attempt at this experiment and decide that the blame should be placed solely on Chanel. I know that is unfair.
I'm sad about it too. I had such high hopes that my little Chanel would grow up to be a major man magnet. I just don't know what happened. She had such potential, so much going for her _ maybe I have simply failed as a mother.
But, maybe not all is lost. She may still have a future in being a pick- up aide.
For a reasonable fee (how does $500 an hour sound???), she could be rented out to single blokes. Because every single girl we passed down The Strand gazed adoringly at her. Seriously, the dog is a total chick magnet! Not really what I was hoping for, but for $500 an hour, I could learn to live with it.
So despite all our best efforts, Nat and I didn't find Mr Right waiting for us along The Strand. But like all experiments, I guess we will have to keep trying. Maybe with a little reworking of the variables (like a dog that is a little more bloke- friendly), we might have more success next time. Also, there is the fact that Chanel and Monty hit it off, so maybe if I hook my dog up, it's not a total failure .
You see, optimistic and wearing a brand new sporty dog walking outfit, I met the lovely Nat from Mix 106.3 FM at The Strand this week to see if walking our
dogs was a way to meet men. Newly single, Nat jumped at the chance to accompany me on my road test, and fired me several emails over the last week so we could coordinate outfits and dogs.
I know you're sitting there thinking perhaps we were going over board co-ordinating dogs, but picking up blokes is a bit of a science, and careful planning of our experiment was required. Do we go for larger dogs, or will my cute little King Charles Cavalier spaniel cut it? We decide to cover our bases and bring both.
With Nat's greyhound out of action, she arranges for a back-up dog, another
greyhound by the name of Monty.
With Monty and Chanel leashed up and our photo shoot over, we headed off our walk. Little did I know Nat is quite the runner, and her walking speed is a little faster than little Chanel or I are used to. While we struggle to keep up, Nat is busy scanning for boys. Before long a very cute boy jogs past and I manage to smile in his direction, and am rewarded with a smile in return, but it isn't enough to make him stop his run and chat with us.
It quickly becomes clear that we have turned up a little too early for the boys out for a stroll, and only the serious runners are around. I briefly contemplate
allowing Chanel to drift into the path of one of these runners but Nat, a serious runner herself, quickly talks me out of it, with perhaps a hint of fear that I am about to get her beat up. So that's when it becomes clear that I need to bring out the big guns.
I spot an unsuspecting bloke sitting staring moodily out to sea (or at least I think he was). I'm a little on the blind side without my glasses, so he could have been picking his nose for all I know. Regardless, I decide it's time to try my best damsel in distress routine. Seeing a pole in my path, I allow Chanel to drift one side of it and let go of the lead. Then with acting skills honed from years of watching The Young and the Restless I try to catch my runaway dog with all the elegance of a tradie doing ballet. BUT THE GUY JUST SITS THERE! He doesn't even move to help me, and I am rewarded only by Nat, who I am sure is totally nominating me for a Logie.
I don't know what horrifies me more _ that I just made myself look incredibly lame, or that chivalry is dead. I hope Mr Nose Picker (that is what I have decided to call him) is reading this and realises the error of his ways and helps out the next girl who tries to fall in his path. If he isn't reading this, then I will sleep well tonight knowing that I got to call him Mr Nose Picker (even though, okay, he probably wasn't).
When we get back to our starting point, Nat and I quickly debrief and decide that perhaps we have to accept that we have failed on our first attempt at this experiment and decide that the blame should be placed solely on Chanel. I know that is unfair.
I'm sad about it too. I had such high hopes that my little Chanel would grow up to be a major man magnet. I just don't know what happened. She had such potential, so much going for her _ maybe I have simply failed as a mother.
But, maybe not all is lost. She may still have a future in being a pick- up aide.
For a reasonable fee (how does $500 an hour sound???), she could be rented out to single blokes. Because every single girl we passed down The Strand gazed adoringly at her. Seriously, the dog is a total chick magnet! Not really what I was hoping for, but for $500 an hour, I could learn to live with it.
So despite all our best efforts, Nat and I didn't find Mr Right waiting for us along The Strand. But like all experiments, I guess we will have to keep trying. Maybe with a little reworking of the variables (like a dog that is a little more bloke- friendly), we might have more success next time. Also, there is the fact that Chanel and Monty hit it off, so maybe if I hook my dog up, it's not a total failure .
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